As I am sitting here watching Ann sleep and think about how blessed I am, I cannot help but thank God for his unanswered prayers. The past week has brought a lot of emotions to the surface. Some good and some not-so-good.
I know I have referenced in previous blogs "my dark days", but what you need to understand is that I was lost and I was scared. For over 20 years, I had been trying to live an illusion of health while suffering behind closed doors. Most of my family members were unaware of the impact of this disease had on my life. In their defense, I have the remitting/relapsing form of CIDP so there were long periods of time when things would appear normal. Having this form of CIDP also took its toll on me because throughout my life I would get glimpses of "normalcy", whatever that really is. Then it was like my life would get ripped apart and it was back to square one. It appeared that every time I would take on more responsibility I ended up letting those around me down. With each let down I began to feel myself withdrawing more and more from family and friends.
Last year my world was spinning out of control. I felt that I had let down so many people: my family, my friends, my players, and my community. I was a shell of what I had been. I needed help in almost all capacities of daily care. As these feelings mounted, I would say a prayer at night. I would asked God to spare my family the pain of seeing me in this condition and if it would be his will I would silently pass in the night.
Since those nights of silent prayers of submission, God has shown me that I do not need to carry this burden. I have found more peace and comfort by relying on Him and sharing this with others so that they may find the comfort that surpasses understanding. THANK GOD FOR UNANSWERED PRAYERS.