October 14, 2013
Throughout much of my life I have always wondered about my purpose in life. While sitting in church yesterday, our preacher spoke on the topic of God and our purpose. The words and scriptures in Sunday's sermon offered some enlightenment to me. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven." Also, Ecclesiastes 3:17 says, "I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and every work."
Having CIDP has often left me feeling as though I am unreliable and a failure. Buried deep in my heart was the knowledge that it was only a matter of time before my CIDP would rear its ugly head and strip me of all the progress I made. With CIDP lingering in the shadows of my life I often prayed for God to share his plan with me for my life. What I have found is that the more I share my life with God, the more of his plan he reveals to me.
According to Proverbs 16:9, "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." This is the problem I always had. Even in some of my most trying times, I would not fully rely on God. I believed that my way was the best way. I would not look to Him to lead me and guide me. That was the disconnect that I had. God knew this. That is why I had to be broken down before I could rise again.
There was a time not too long ago that I questioned my faith. How could a loving and caring God do this to ME? Is this God's will? God, how could you do this to ME? Life is just not fair! My problem was that I had my own agenda. I wanted things to happen on my terms. It is important to remember that He gives us what we need; not want we want.
It was about one year ago that I began researching the outcomes I could expect if I stopped taking my medications that were supposed to keep my CIDP under control. During those Google searches I started coming across websites that were talking about a stem cell transplant for CIDP patients. I spent countless hours scouring through webpage after webpage and blog after blog. Just at the moment I was preparing to throw in the towel I was given another reason to keep fighting. This cannot be coincidence.
A lot has changed for me since those sleepless nights. I keep thinking about Ecclesiastes 3:17, "for there is a time there for every purpose and every work." I now know it is from this that I have a burning desire to continue molding and shaping my non-profit, Bryan's H.O.P.E. I am also working with the American Red Cross on setting up a blood drive in December. God has helped me realize that my experiences can act as a motivator to others. Therefore, my purpose involves working in areas of society to provide people undergoing difficult times with the motivation to keep fighting.
Next week I will be speaking at a luncheon for the American Red Cross. My goal is that I will be able to bring awareness about CIDP and other invisible diseases. In the past, I would have never agreed to speak to a room full of strangers about CIDP. My purpose would have been to appear to be as "normal" as possible. I now understand that my purpose is to share my experiences.
I would like to leave you with a thought for the week: Faith is having HOPE when all things are crumbling around you.