Sunday, December 22, 2013

The Mind Is Willing, But The Body Is Not

December 22, 2013

Last week my youngest daughter made her blogging debut with "My dad is working again." This week I am writing to inform you that Torin's dad is no longer working. The demands of working full time are more than my body is ready to handle. Over the past few days my feet had begun swelling and becoming very painful. Last night I was in so much pain that I could not stand for the sheets to be touching my feet. I am pretty sure I bit off more than I could chew. I also was reminded by my dear friend Benoy that I need to follow my advice of  "listening to my body." Don't you love it when your words of wisdom come back and slap you in the face?

Tonight as I update my progress, I cannot help but be a little disappointed. I deeply wanted to return to the work force and hit the ground running. I have a desire to contribute financially to my family. This is the example that my father has instilled in me. He is a hard working man who goes years on end without missing a day of work. Throughout my life I have watched him repeatedly battle through blizzards, floods, and illness to punch his time card at the factory. I watched him return home in the summers drenched in sweat because of his factory's excessive heat. He did all this to ensure that my sister and I were well taken care of. It is from my father that I have  drive to work.

I know that timing is everything. I know I need to be patient because I am still fairly early in my recovery. Even though I know these things, it stills does not take away my desire to provide for my family.

For much of my marriage, Ann has had to carry a heavy load. She has never complained. I thank God daily that I have been blessed with such a wonderful wife. There were many times in our relationship where she could have easily walked away and I would have not blamed her in the slightest.  She is my soul-mate. Watching her work so hard to provide for our family humbles me. I desperately want to ease some of her burdens. By not being able to work and help Ann, I feel as though I failed.

Now, failure is a funny thing. Failure is not something I am good at accepting. When someone says, "Failure is not an option." I tend to agree. The reason I do not accept failure is because failure can only truly occur when you give up, throw in the towel, and stop trying. That is not the case for me. Yes, I lost the first round of a fifteen round fight. Failing does not make me a failure. Failure makes me human. How can we ever know what we can accomplish if we never push ourselves to failure? Failure is what creates greatness. Many of the comforts we have today were created by the failures of another.

To illustrate my point I would like to take a look at Christopher Reeve.
superman, dana reeve, christopher reeveThe man who played Superman becoming a quadriplegic was more than ironic - it was tragic. He never learned to be happy about his situation - who could? But, he did learn to live with it.

“In the morning, I need twenty minutes to cry. To wake up and make that shift, you know, and to just say, 'This really sucks,' to really allow yourself the feeling of loss. It still needs to be acknowledged.” - Christopher Reeve

Then, he'd say, "And now...forward!"

He had to take a moment everyday to acknowledge where he was, what the reality of the situation was. But, he didn't allow that to stop him. He traveled widely doing public speaking on behalf of people with spinal injuries, tirelessly raised money for his own and other foundations, and even became a movie director. He took what he had and tried to help others in the best way he could.

Solomon told us, "A righteous man may fall seven times, and rise up again" (Proverbs 24:16). And Psalms 145:14 reminds us, "The Lord upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down" (NKJ). Failures happen. They cannot be avoided. It is how we let our failures and setbacks affect us that truly matters.

In conclusion, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Thank you all so much for following my journey and providing so much love and support.  


  1. I am so sorry. That's not what I was hoping for you. I love your attitude though. I pray things get better sooner.

  2. Thank you Brandi. We do not always get what we want, but we will always get what we need. My wife and daughters are on Christmas Break so the great news is that I will get to spend some much needed time with my girls.

  3. Stay strong, something better is in store for you, I am sure of this.

  4. You are never a failure. You are always an inspiration. Although you want to take off running remember that baby steps will lead you there. Slow and steady wins the race.

  5. God's timing is always perfect and maybe this wasn't the right time for the job. You will work again, because you have that desire. I so admire that about you that you never give up and always give your best. God sees your heart and He will give you the desires of your heart, just be patient with yourself. Love ya.
    Mary Ann

  6. You are not a failure, you are an inspiration to all--especially us with CIDP! Hope you have a Blessed, Happy & HEALTHY New Year!.

  7. Bryan, you sound just like me I can say though thank GOD you have family to wake up to and know you are loved....I feel like my family just think everything is ok and things will be ok..YOU can't give up....! I know the finacing part is very hard GOD will come thru and that is something we just keep praying for ...this CIDP is so hard to figure out like you say...but hey GOD gave you a chance for stem cell how many of us can say that is an option..I was ready to go to England...Hows your pain? I know emotionally it very painful,but you are not alone there are not alot thank GOD because no-one deserves this but you are our inspiration! I am praying for you and will forward this to others that I have on my foundation page I have just gotten a prayer

  8. Hey Bryan I sent this to my family and others that I know that has this and you know the saying about footprints,,where you are walking in the sand here are wo sets of footprints and then one set, you ask God why have you forsaken me and he says I never forsaken you I am caring you...Just remember he is carrying you ...just think it won't hurt your feet...loll just trying to make you laugh, we have to laugh somhow RIGHT ! Thank God for SUPERMAN ... he did so much for people like us paving our roads...talking about roads man I know what you mean about the bumps, we have what they call dips oh geesh man....Its all about the little things with us...hey where are the pictures you took sounds like they are pretty

  9. Bryan I have watched your journey in live since you were 9. Even at 14 you never bemoaned your circumstances. I am blessed to know you and your family. While you may not work outside the home as much as you may like, it is a full time career to manage a home and raise such a beautiful family. Much love and support as you forge ahead.