December 22, 2013
Last week my youngest daughter made her blogging debut with "My dad is working again." This week I am writing to inform you that Torin's dad is no longer working. The demands of working full time are more than my body is ready to handle. Over the past few days my feet had begun swelling and becoming very painful. Last night I was in so much pain that I could not stand for the sheets to be touching my feet. I am pretty sure I bit off more than I could chew. I also was reminded by my dear friend Benoy that I need to follow my advice of "listening to my body." Don't you love it when your words of wisdom come back and slap you in the face?
Tonight as I update my progress, I cannot help but be a little disappointed. I deeply wanted to return to the work force and hit the ground running. I have a desire to contribute financially to my family. This is the example that my father has instilled in me. He is a hard working man who goes years on end without missing a day of work. Throughout my life I have watched him repeatedly battle through blizzards, floods, and illness to punch his time card at the factory. I watched him return home in the summers drenched in sweat because of his factory's excessive heat. He did all this to ensure that my sister and I were well taken care of. It is from my father that I have drive to work.
I know that timing is everything. I know I need to be patient because I am still fairly early in my recovery. Even though I know these things, it stills does not take away my desire to provide for my family.
For much of my marriage, Ann has had to carry a heavy load. She has never complained. I thank God daily that I have been blessed with such a wonderful wife. There were many times in our relationship where she could have easily walked away and I would have not blamed her in the slightest. She is my soul-mate. Watching her work so hard to provide for our family humbles me. I desperately want to ease some of her burdens. By not being able to work and help Ann, I feel as though I failed.
Now, failure is a funny thing. Failure is not something I am good at accepting. When someone says, "Failure is not an option." I tend to agree. The reason I do not accept failure is because failure can only truly occur when you give up, throw in the towel, and stop trying. That is not the case for me. Yes, I lost the first round of a fifteen round fight. Failing does not make me a failure. Failure makes me human. How can we ever know what we can accomplish if we never push ourselves to failure? Failure is what creates greatness. Many of the comforts we have today were created by the failures of another.
To illustrate my point I would like to take a look at Christopher Reeve.
man who played Superman becoming a quadriplegic was more than ironic -
it was tragic. He never learned to be happy about his situation - who
could? But, he did learn to live with it.
“In the morning, I need twenty minutes to cry. To wake up and
make that shift, you know, and to just say, 'This really sucks,' to
really allow yourself the feeling of loss. It still needs to be
acknowledged.” - Christopher Reeve
Then, he'd say, "And now...forward!"
He had to take a moment everyday to acknowledge where he was, what
the reality of the situation was. But, he didn't allow that to stop him.
He traveled widely doing public speaking on behalf of people with
spinal injuries, tirelessly raised money for his own and other
foundations, and even became a movie director. He took what he had and
tried to help others in the best way he could.
Solomon told us, "A righteous man may fall seven times, and rise up again" (Proverbs 24:16). And Psalms 145:14 reminds us, "The Lord upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down" (NKJ). Failures happen. They cannot be avoided. It is how we let our failures and setbacks affect us that truly matters.
In conclusion, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Thank you all so much for following my journey and providing so much love and support.