February 3, 2014
I woke up this morning not feeling too well. I think I have been battling a bug for the past couple of days. The good news is that I am not running a fever. However, my stomach has been upset and I am feeling fatigued. It is the most annoying kind of fatigue. The one where all you want to do is lounge around, but can't sleep. I sure hope this passes and does not turn into the stomach bug that seems to be going around. Think I will be laying low for a few days.
Sitting here this morning and looking out on the fresh fallen snow, my mind began to wander. I began to think about how everyone's recovery from the HSCT is like snowflakes. Just like no two snowflakes are alike; no two HSCT recoveries are the same.
These difference can bring about uncertainty for many of us during our recovery. Is this as good as it gets? Is what I am experiencing "normal"? Why can I not do the things that others are doing? Shouldn't my results be the same as others who have had the transplant?
What is important to remember is that the HSCT stops your body from attacking itself. It essentially halts the attacks and allows the body to heal itself. I believe that is why the initial recovery for many of us varies so greatly. Our recovery seems to be dependent upon the amount of damage our body has already endured.
I need to remind myself of these things from time to time. That my recovery is my own. I cannot try to compare and compete with others. This is not a race. This is a marathon. The long term success rates of the HSCT speak for themselves.
After my transplant, I had a few goals. The first goal was to be walking with a cane. Check. The second goal was to be able to safely care for myself throughout the day. Check. The final goal was to be driving. Check.
I have reached all of these goals and have began setting new ones. The problem is that I forgot to enjoy my successes of walking, driving, and caring for myself. I am sure that even the Seattle Seahawks are taking time to enjoy their victory. My mindset is to continually push forward. But right now I need to step back and be thankful for how far I have come. Sometimes I forget to be thankful. Sometimes I get frustrated because of what I am still unable to do.
Over the next 6 months, I am going to continue to focus on the little things. The things that I so desperately desired to do only a short time ago. I am going to have to prepare my body for the next phase of life.
Remember, we are all like snowflakes. No two of us are alike and no two of us will respond in the exact same manner. Set your goals. Push toward them. But, don't forget to enjoy them.